Self-Awareness at Work: What Does Your Communication Mirror Reveal
This month, Sara’s coaching conversation poses a few questions centering on a powerful, and often uncomfortable, truth: The way we communicate doesn’t just express culture. It creates it.
Most leaders genuinely value collaboration. But self-awareness asks a deeper question: Do my communication habits actually make collaboration easier or harder?
Inquiry vs. Advocacy: Which Do You Lead With?
Every conversation pulls from two muscles:
Inquiry — asking, exploring, clarifying
Advocacy — stating opinions, influencing, directing
Strong leaders know both matter. The question is balance.
When we over-index on advocacy - open dialogue narrows, psychological safety decreases and team members tend to comply, rather than contribute.
When we over-index on inquiry – decision-making stalls, directions feel unclear and fuzzy, and accountability becomes ambiguous.
Self-awareness shows up in the pause before we speak. So before you speak consider your balance regarding inquiry and advocacy, and also ask yourself: Are you entering a conversation to understand? Or to persuade?
The Power of Clarifying Questions
Miscommunication rarely explodes in the moment. It accumulates quietly.
One overlooked leadership skill? Clarifying questions such as:
“Can you walk me through your thinking?”
“What assumptions might we be making?”
“What am I missing?”
“Help me understand your concern.”
This type of questioning models curiosity over certainty. Think of questions such as these as strategic tools in that they prevent rework, can surface hidden resistance, and build trust.
Consensus vs. Alignment: The Cost of Confusion
Many leaders strive for consensus - full agreement from everyone. But collaboration does not require unanimity!
Instead of consensus, focus on alignment. Alignment means the direction is clear, concerns have been heard, and people may not fully agree, but they’ve committed.
When we confuse consensus with alignment: meetings can stretch endlessly, decisions get watered down, accountability blurs.
When we mistake alignment for consensus: dissent goes underground, and a “yes” in a meeting can become resistance later.
The cost? Time. Energy. Engagement.
As a self-aware leader you want to clarify: Am I seeking agreement — or commitment? There is a difference.
The Communication Mirror
Finally, remember our habits teach our teams how to behave. Self-awareness is the leadership discipline of examining the mirror — not just the outcome.
What do you see in your mirror?
